Tuesday 26 June 2007
NOT SO HAPPY TUESDAY
ive had quite a sad day today, ive been thinking about mick(my stepdad) alot the last couple of days, not that i dont think of him everyday, but yesterday something happened that made me 100% positive he's watching over me. when he was alive he made me a bird table, and as ive been getting the gardening bug lately, his bird table is now proudly erected in a small corner of my garden. well yesterday i'd got some compost and planted a few plants underneath it, its sorta like a little shrine area to him. i was sitting admiring the area, when i heard what sounded like someone knocking on my gate, next to the bird table, no one there, except the biggest most beautiful dragonfly sitting directly on top of mick's bird table. now i truly believe that it was mick telling me ...well done! today he has been in my thoughts constantly, i even started blubbing at work, something i havent done for ..oh at least a week! my friend at work was so sweet telling me not to feel silly. mick only passed away 11 and a half weeks ago, so its all still so raw. i think i try and be so strong for my kids and im trying to keep life as near normal as i can for their sakes, but sometimes i cant help but to let it all out. i just wish i could turn back the clock to 3 years ago. my life and all those in my family especially my mums, will never be the same without him, but its reassuring to know he's still watching over us all.
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5 comments:
He'll always be with us darling and special moments like this prove it. Special {{MUM HUGS}} XXXX
Dear Leanne, Hi. In case you're wondering, I'm your Mum's Nr 1 fan & head of the Portuguese branch of the club. As I have hardly been near blogworld in the past 3 weeks, your arrival is another big surprise for me. And very welcome. It gives a whole new angle, not just on all the names and sometimes faces that your Mum has introduced to the world, but being able to read & communicate with you directly adds a lot.
I truly sympathise with what you write here. It's nothing in the least to feel bad about, that you have deep feelings and that you need to show them as they are, not dressed up or ddisguised because someone or other might not like them or feel comfortable with them. As they are yours, you have every right to them.
We know how hard, how cruel life can be. We can also suspect it could be a lot harder & crueler. For many, it is. But it's relative, isn't it?
My Dad died after I'd been in Portugal just 11 months. I remember - well, I can never forget - how after I returned from my 2 weeks in his house (in Essex, too! Gants Hill, near Redbridge?), after the funeral etc, there was the shock to confront here, where he had never been, where therewas no presnece or sign of him, just abstracts, memories, just 2 other people who had known him. This was so hard & sometimes, I would break a little.
Well, one day, as an example, one of my few (at that time) real friends, who gave me a lot of support, said on the phone to me: "Everyone loses their father eventually". I exploded back" I KNOW THAT! BUT ONLY I can lose MY father! And only once". Explanation? She had a very different relationship with hers, who'd left the family & she was bitter & distant from him. She still had no right to say that to me after just a month, when I was so far away from it all, struggling to come to terms with the loss. Being away can distort it so bad.
When you have experiences like the one you describe, it has to give you strength. It has to help you heal, which really takes time. Yes, it's still raw. But you have the kids & what that gives you is purpose. They are wonderful. Your mum is another purpose. She needs you too.
Well, enough from me for now. You take it easy, you all stay close...after all, that counts for more than just about anything, when it comes to the reckoning up.
bless you Leanne, kisses
StewXXXXXX
Sometimes you just need to let it all out Leanne and Im glad you had a sympathetic friend to let you know that its ok, of course its still raw he was so special to you and Im certain Mick will always find a way of reminding you when you need it most that hes watching over you
((((HUGS))))
I truly believe people we love never really leave us, and they often prove it with inexplicable little gestures.
Dear Leanne, I really sympathise with you! Losing a loving dad is so hard to bear. Over the years to come although the sadness will always be there the happy thoughts will come more to the surface. You will adjust and Mick's love and support will always be there. {{HUGS}}
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