NOT SO HAPPY TUESDAY

ive had quite a sad day today, ive been thinking about mick(my stepdad) alot the last couple of days, not that i dont think of him everyday, but yesterday something happened that made me 100% positive he's watching over me. when he was alive he made me a bird table, and as ive been getting the gardening bug lately, his bird table is now proudly erected in a small corner of my garden. well yesterday i'd got some compost and planted a few plants underneath it, its sorta like a little shrine area to him. i was sitting admiring the area, when i heard what sounded like someone knocking on my gate, next to the bird table, no one there, except the biggest most beautiful dragonfly sitting directly on top of mick's bird table. now i truly believe that it was mick telling me ...well done! today he has been in my thoughts constantly, i even started blubbing at work, something i havent done for ..oh at least a week! my friend at work was so sweet telling me not to feel silly. mick only passed away 11 and a half weeks ago, so its all still so raw. i think i try and be so strong for my kids and im trying to keep life as near normal as i can for their sakes, but sometimes i cant help but to let it all out. i just wish i could turn back the clock to 3 years ago. my life and all those in my family especially my mums, will never be the same without him, but its reassuring to know he's still watching over us all.

HAPPY FATHERS DAY ?

firstly i just want to say happy fathers day to all the dads reading this, i hope you've had a great day. for me, this is the first fathers day without mine. mick my stepdad sadly passed away 10 weeks ago, he'd been diagnosed with a brain tumour back in may 2005, the doctors only gave him 2 months to live, but with strength and courage and alot of love and care from my mum he lived for almost 2 years. i miss him so much! he may of not been my biological dad but he was the kindest, caring, loving man ive ever known, and im so grateful he was part of my life, and always will be. i remember 2 years ago on fathers day when he was still able to walk and talk, me and my sister had bought him a share in his favourite football team..millwall...it was such an emotional day, as we all knew the inevitable was going to happen, and the thought of my life without him in it seemed unbearable. thankfully he saw last fathers day too but by this time he slept most of the time and altho he knew i was there he was unable to do anything except eat. so today, like birthdays christmas and other special days just wont ever be the same. i shed a fare few tears today as me and mum sat in the garden chatting about life when mick was here, it just feels so empty without him

so this post is just to say ... happy fathers day mick!!! in my heart forever x